Eulogy read at Benny’s funeral in Groningen, 23rd April 2024, by ‘uncle’ Mark
Ben Isidoor Hintjens, Benny
Ben was born in 1994 in Swansea, on the coast of south Wales. He was his mother’s first born, his god father was Michael Jovic. Amy was born 6 years later, I remember picking up Ben from school that day and telling him that he now has a sister, they have been very close friends. Swansea is a wonderful city for being a child, with many kilometres of long sandy beaches, hot sea in the summer, cliffs, parks, and playgrounds. And in the city centre a Lazerzone, for running around shooting a lazer gun at other children. It was wonderful playing the game there with him for many years.
At age 11 he and his mother and sister Amy left Swansea to go to live in the Hague. Ben went to the International School of The Hague, but the family back to Swansea at holiday time. Ben lived with my family in Swansea for his age 16-19 studies, which were economics and sociology, and then returned to the Hague to be with Helen and Amy and to start studying at Groningen University.
Ben had a very active, outgoing character, his musical instrument when young was the drums. He also taught himself piano, using youtube, and played lots of Philip Glass, who he loved.
He was playful and affectionate, last summer he and I had a wonderful afternoon at the Groningen cat café, where Amy, Michael and I went again this morning to remember him. He loved cats.
Apart from people and family his main loves were always comedy and performance. In football club when young he would lie on the ground, or run backwards, so as to amuse the crowd. And he always had comic timing. I remember him being 2 or 3 and with me and his mum Helen in the canteen at work. Having finished his food he dramatically dabbed his mouth with his napkin, threw it on the plate, and announced ‘take it away, servants!’ At my home when very young and asked what food he wants to eat he would say ‘peel me a grape’, or, if something was not right, ‘clear you desk by Friday’! And then he would smile. He first went to a comedy show at age 10, in a large tent at the massive Reading Festival, in the Summer of 2004.
At about 7 or 8 years old he started to love the Marx Brothers, and got in trouble at his primary school for bringing in a book about them. The school thought the Marx Brothers were too adult for the young children.
His other comedy influence at about 7 or 8 years was Cow and Chicken, a completely surreal cartoon, with all scenes shot at strange angles. It was later that he would see and appreciate real surrealism, we went to a Marcel Duchamp exhibition in London and he saw the famous artwork of a postcard of the Mona Lisa, on which Duchamp had drawn a small black moustache, I remember us both looking at it together. It was so nice to talk to his friends last night about his love of art.
Ben was always very self-willed and used to taking charge, knowing what he wanted and knowing his own opinions. At age 1 or 2 there was a shed at the bottom of Helen’s garden, in which was a sculpture Helen had made of an elongated head, and each day he would announce he wanted to take us on a walk to see the sculpture, and off we would go, following him. There was also a metal sculpture of an owl, with large eyes, that he would lead us to on the way to his nursery in Swansea University.
When Ben was 11 just before he left Swansea I took him with my family to California. We went camping, visited Alcatraz, and saw the San Francisco Gay Pride parade, he loved how theatrical it was. At Disneyland he was fearless about heights. But we then drove to the Watts area in South Central, we saw the magnificent Watts Towers, three very tall metal constructions made and decorated by hand by one man. Ben got us to stay in the car and look from there, because it was a rough neighbourhood.
With Helen he went to many parts of the world as part of her work on international development. He and she and Ben’s godfather Michael also went to Croatia to visit Ben’s grandfather who was working there. With Helen he went to South Africa, Uganda, twice to Australia, and he went to Japan to see a friend of Helen’s.
He did many other things. We went to Speakers Corner in London, we rushed to Port Talbot, a steel city next to Swansea, because a Banksy artwork had appeared on a derelict wall in a very run-down area of the city. During Lockdown he took part in Facebook Live surrealist painting and dream discussion events my artist wife Julia and I were running, his mother joined us as well. When living at my house he also took part in an experiment on dreams, in which a computer woke him during Rapid Eye Movement sleep, and he had to then dictate the dream he was having.
Many people are soon going to tell of Ben’s influence and effect on them. I will quickly say one effect on me. I got together with Julia in 2003, the person who would become my wife. Soon after we decided to commit to each other I told Julia how important and wonderful and fun it is to have children, and that we should do that as quickly as possible. I knew this because of helping to bring up Ben. Julia was (and is) an artist and had no interest in having children, when we got together she was 38. My telling of what it was like helping to bring up Ben, the joy and fun of it, convinced her to want children, just like it had convinced me. Our son Gabriel was born the next year, and Celeste two years later. That was one of the many big influences Ben had on me, and I know he had many other influences on loved ones and on the world.
Ben did so much in his 30 years, becoming a strong, funny and loving young man, and running and taking part in comedy evenings here in Groningen and in The Hague and other towns in Netherlands and Belgium. He showed so much love to us all, and was greatly loved by many, including Helen, Amy, Chris, me, Michael his godfather, Helen’s family and my family, and by his dear friends and girlfriends and partners. But he has also reminded us of the fragility of life. That with a small accident we can be gone, and leave devastation for so many people. We who remain know that Ben might have had another half a lifetime to live, thankfully all was so quick that he didn’t know of this loss. But in his just under 30 years had done and become so much. Ben, we will miss you, and miss your growing older with us, but we are so glad you had your 30 years, and had those years with us.